I am an artist. I believe so. I live my life my way. I like myself I am always ready to travel and explore new cities. It's just that I am a free bird.
बचपन में भी अलग बात होती हैं। ना किसी डर,ना हीं किसी से कोई उम्मीद और ना हीं किसी से कोई भेदभाव। सबका बचपन बड़ा ही खूबसूरत होता हैं। और उनमें सिर्फ एक ही खूबसूरत इनसान होता हैं। हां मैं उस मां के बारे में बात कर रहा हूं। जिसने हमें सही ग़लत में पहचान बताई। जिसने हमें उठना,बैठना, खाना, पिना और चलना तक सिखाया हैं। जिसे हम पूरी दुनिया को सिर्फ अपनी मां मैं ही दैखते थें।
पर जिस दिन हम इस दुनिया में आऐ तो हमारे साथ दो ओर जीव आऐ। एक हमारा समय। जिसने हम बच्चों पर कभी रहम किया ही नहीं।दूसरी हमारी किस्मत। जिसने कभी हमें सोचने का मौका दीया हीं नहीं। हमें क्या पता था। कि ये ही दो जीव हमारी जिंदगी के महत्वपूर्ण हिस्सा होने वाले थें। इसमें हमारा भी कोई कसुर नहीं था। कि हम इन्हें जल्दी समझ ना पाये। और बताया भी तो किसी ने नहीं था इनके के बारे में। हम बचपन मैं ही सोचते थे कि ये सभी लोग हमारे जैसे ही हैं।भोले और मासुम। पर हमें क्या पता था कि जहां रहने के लिए लड़ना पड़ेगा खूद से। सच को दबाना पड़ेगा। और झूठ को उठाना पड़ेगा।
बचपन में मैंने दो बात सिखी और पड़ी कि पहली बात समय का फल मीठा होता हैं। और हम उस मिठे फल का इंतजार करते गये। हां और दूसरी बात की समय किसी का इंतजार नहीं करता । बस इन्हीं पूरे लफडो हमारा पूरा बचपन निकल गया। एक तरफ हम उसी मिठे फल कि उम्मीद में थें।और एक तरफ चूपके से समय ने हमारा इंतजार ही नहीं किया।
इन बातों से समझ आ गया था कि ये जिंदगी जिना इतना आसान नहीं हैं। जैसे रेगिस्तान में होता हैं दिखता पानी पर उसके पास जाकर देखो तो होती वो रेत है।
Even in childhood, things are different. No fear, no expectation from anyone and no discrimination from anyone. Everyone's childhood is very beautiful. And there is only one beautiful person in them. Yes, I am talking about that mother. Who told us the identity of right and wrong. Who has taught us to get up, sit, eat, drink and even walk. Which we used to see the whole world only in my mother.
But the day we come to this world, two other creatures come with us. One our time. Who has never had mercy on us children. The other is our luck. Who never gave us a chance to think. Did we know. That these two creatures were going to be an important part of our life. It was not our fault either. That we could not understand them quickly. And even if told, no one had told about them. We used to think in our childhood that all these people are like us. Bhole and innocent. But what did we know that to live where we have to fight with ourselves. Truth has to be suppressed. And the lie has to be picked up.
As a child, I learned two things and learned that the first thing is that the fruit of time is sweet. And we kept waiting for that sweet fruit. Yes and secondly, time does not wait for anyone. Just these whole words, our entire childhood has gone. On one hand we were expecting the same sweet fruit. And on the other hand, time did not wait for us secretly.
It was understood from these things that living this life is not so easy. Just like it happens in the desert, look at the water but go to it and see, it would have been sand.
Sunday, 23 January 2022
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suicide.
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Step 1 : Go to www.YouTube.com, Search a video.
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The thumbnail of a YouTube video is the image that appears in the top right-hand corner of the video. It is often used to entice viewers to click on the video since it will appear in search results and playlists. Thumbnails are also important for branding because they are what users see when they are scrolling through their feed. Thumbnails are typically created by the uploader, using an online editor or a mobile app specifically for making thumbnails.
A YouTube thumbnail is the still image that represents a video in search results, watch page, and in the list of videos on the side of the home page. Thumbnails are an important part of marketing videos and can draw viewers in with their imagery.
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ये कहानी हैं। उन गर्मीयों के दिनों की। जब मेरी मूलाकात मेरे दोस्त से हूई। उस दिन वो बहूत ही ज्यादा खूश था। मानों कि जैसे कोई छोटा बच्चा खिलोने कि जिद कर रहा हो। और उसे वो मिल जाऐ। जैसे एक उम्मीद कि रोशनी । उसे मिल गई हों। हां मैं उस हमसफ़र की बात कर रहा हूं। जिसे हर कोई पाना चाहता हों। अपनी जिंदगी में एक बार उसे महसूस करना चाहता हों। उसने अपने बारे कूछ इस तरह बताया। कि रात का पहरा था। और निंद का कोई ठिकाना नहीं था। तभी उसने फैसबूक को चलाना शुरू ही किया था। फैसबूक खोलते ही उसने किसी अनजान लड़की को देखा है। उसने उस लड़की की Profile देखी। उसने बताया कि उसे देख कर मन को तसल्ली सी हूई। उसके सारे विचार उसे देख के शान्त से हो गये थे। हां मेरे भाई का नाम विक्की था। विक्की ने अपने दिल को समझाते हुए । उस अनजान लड़की को एक "Hy" का मैसेज कर दिया । ऐसा नहीं हैं कि औरो से बात नहीं करता था। पर विक्की ने भी बताया उसे देख कर मानों समूद्र की लहरों मैं ठहराव सा आ गया हो। उसके मैसेज भेजने के ३ घंटे बाद । हां वो समय १०:४० का था। जब उस अनजान लड़की का बापिस मैसेज आया "Hey" । उस मैसेज को देखकर विक्की को ऐसा लगा कि जैसे चकोर को चांद मिल गया हो। उस रात दोनों मैं काफी समय तक बात हूं। उस अनजान लड़की ने अपना नाम रोशी बताया ।
धिरे- धिरे उनकी बातें बढ़ने लगी । और उन बातों से उनका रिश्ता और बढ़ने लगा । सोते, बैठते,उठते,जागते उनकी बातें होने लगी।मानों उन दोनों को बाकी सब भूल सा गये हो। विक्की ने ये भी बताया कि मैंने उसका फोन नंबर लेने के लिए बोला । उसने विक्की से थोड़ा और समय मांगा । विक्की ने ये भी बताया कि उसे मूझे समझने के लिए उसे और समय चाहिए था। उन दोनों को बातें काफी समय तक चलती रही। समय गूजरता गया।६ मीहने के बाद उन्होंने ने अपना-अपना फोन नंबर एक दूसरे को दे दिया। इन बातों से लगता था। कि इन दोनों के बीच कोई कनेक्शन ज़रूर था।
अब जो बातें मेसेज के जरिए हो रहीं थीं धिरे धिरे वो voice call मैं होने लग पड़ी। उन दोनो मै ऐसा हो गया कि मानो ये एक दूसरे के लिए बनें हो। हां अब वो एक दूसरे को दिल से चहाने लग पड रहे थें।समय बीतता चला गया । और इनका ये रिश्ता और पक्का होता गया। हां पूरे ४ साल के बाद रोशी ने उसे मिलने के लिए बोला। विक्की ने ये भी बताया कि उसे मिलने के लिए सून के वो वेताब सा हो गया था। विक्की ने ये भी बताया कि मैं उसे मिलना चाहता था । पर वो उस के घर से कम से कम भी १८०० किलोमीटर कि दूरी पर उसका घर था। हां ये बात भी थी । पर उसके अन्दर और भी सवाल थे कि जब मैं उसे देखूंगा तो क्या बोलूंगा ।उसे मैं पसंद भी आऊंगा कि नहीं । उसे कैसे मिलूंगा । एक दिन आ ही गया कि उसने अपना दिल और मन को समझा के उसे मिलने के लिए निकल गया।
This is the story. of those summer days. When I met my friend. He was very happy that day. As if a small child is insisting on toys. And he gets that. Like a light of hope. She has got it. Yes, I am talking about that companion. Which everyone wants to get. Want to feel it once in your life. He told about himself like this. That was the night guard. And there was no place for sleep. That's when he started running Facebook. As soon as he opened Facebook, he saw an unknown girl. He saw the profile of that girl. He told that seeing him, he felt relieved. All his thoughts had gone silent on seeing him. Yes my brother's name was Vicky. Vicky explaining his heart. Messaged that unknown girl a "Hi". It is not that he did not talk to others. But Vicky also told that seeing him, as if I had come to a standstill in the waves of the sea. 3 hours after sending his message. Yes, that time was 10:40. When the message of that unknown girl came back "Hey". Seeing that message, Vicky felt as if square 🐦 had found the moon. That night, I talked for a long time. That unknown girl named her Roshi.
Slowly his words started increasing. And with those things, their relationship started growing further. While sleeping, sitting, waking up, they started talking. It was as if they had forgotten everything else. Vicky also told that I asked to get his phone number. He asked Vicky for some more time. Vicky also told that he needed more time to understand me. Both of them kept talking for a long time. Time passed. After 6 months they gave their respective phone numbers to each other. It seemed to me from these things. That there must be some connection between these two.
Now the things that were happening through the message gradually started happening in the voice call. Both of them became such that as if they were made for each other. Yes, now they were starting to love each other with heart. Time went on. And their relationship became stronger. Yes, after 4 whole years, Roshi asked to meet him. Vicky also told that he had become desperate to meet her. Vicky also told that I wanted to meet him. But it was his house at least 1800 km away from his house. Yes, this was also the case. But there were other questions in him that when I see him, what will I say. Will he like me or not. How do I meet him? One day came that he understood his heart and mind and went out to meet him.
ये बात है २०१९ कि सर्दी का महीना था।और मूझे याद है। जब मैंने उसको देखा । वो जो लाखों के भीड़ मैं भी मूझे अकेली दिख रहीं थीं। वो जो चहरे पर हल्की सी मुस्कान रखी हूई थीं। उसे देख कर लगा कि जल्दी से उसके पास जाऊं और बोल दूं कि तुम इतनी प्यारी हो कि ।अभी बोले वो कि मूझे कूछ और तो में उसके बोलने से पहले सब अपना उस पर वार दूं। पर मैं उसे देख ही रहा था। कि एक लड़का आया और उसे अपने साथ ले गया। मेरा दिल और मन टूट सा गया। मैं परेशान सा हो गया था ।मूझे नहीं पता था कि प्यार था । जहां कोई सपना । जो देखने से पहले टूट गया । और मैं भी उदास चहरा , निराश होकर वहां से चला गया।
पता नहीं। क्यूं पर भो मेरे दिलो-दिमाग पर उसका चहरा प्रिंटिंग सा होगया था। में बार बार उसी जगह पर जाता रहता था। कि मूझे वो फिर से दिखेगी।कि इस बार मुझे मिलेंगी तो में उसे उसी से मांग लूंगा। पर अफसोस वो उसके बाद आई ही नहीं । में हर बार वहां जाता था। कि इस बार तो दिखेगी मगर ऐसा कुछ भी नहीं हुआ। में निराश था खुद से और अपनी किस्मत से
एक दिन में pubg game खेल रहा था। तो उसमें मैंने डुयीट गेम खैलना चालू कि तो उसमें मेरा पार्टनर एक लड़की थीं। pubg तब मूझे कम खैलना आती थी।और वो लड़की सही खैलती थी। हम दोनों कि बातें भी चालु हो गई थी । हां मूंझे याद है। हां हमने तीन बार खैली ।उसने मुझे social Media के बारे पूछा ।उसने मुझे Snapchat पर ऐड किया । हमारे बीच बातें चालू हूई। सब सही चल रहा था कि एक दिन रात को उसका फोन आया। वो समय रात के १२:३० के करीब था। हमारी बातें करीब ३घटे तक चली ।
अगले दिन उसने अपनी तस्वीर मूझे मेरे वटस ऐप पर भेजी।मैं उसने देखने के लिए तड़प रहा था। जब उसने अपनी तस्वीर भेजी तो कसम से मैं उसे देख कर पूरा पागल सा हो गया। मेरी धड़कन तेजी से चलने लग पड़ी थीं
आप मान नहीं सकते कि ये लड़की वहीं थी जो मुझे पहले दिखी थी ।जिसके लिए सब कुछ अपना उस पर लूटाना चाहता था। अपना हर पल उसके साथ निभाना चाहता था। हां वो वहीं लड़की थीं।
It is a matter of fact that 2019 was the month of winter. And I remember. When I saw him The crowd of millions I was also seeing alone in me. The one who had a slight smile on her face. Seeing him, I felt that I should go to him quickly and say that you are so sweet that he said now that he should tell me something and then before he speaks, I should attack him. But I was still watching him. That a boy came and took him with him. My heart and mind got broken. I was upset. I didn't know that there was love. Where a dream Which broke before I saw it. And I too looked sad, disappointed and left from there.
Do not know. Why was his face printed on my heart and mind? I used to go to the same place again and again. That I will see her again. That this time if I meet, I will ask her from her. But alas she did not come after that. I used to go there every time. That this time it will be seen but nothing like this happened. I was disappointed with myself and my luck
Was playing pubg game in one day. So I started playing duet game in it, so my partner was a girl in it. Then I used to know how to play less. And that girl used to play well. Both of us had started talking. Yes I remember. Yes we did thrice. He asked me about social media. He added me on Snapchat. Things started between us. Everything was going well that one day at night his call came. That time was around 12:30 in the night. Our talks lasted for about 3 hours.
The next day he sent me his picture on my WhatsApp app. I was yearning to see him. When he sent his picture, I was completely mad seeing him swear. my heart beat faster
You can't believe that this girl was the one I had seen before. For whom I wanted to rob everything on her. I wanted to spend my every moment with him. yes she was that girl
नया साल , इस नये साल के आने से सबको उम्मीद होती है। इस साल कुछ नया होगा, कुछ अलग होगा। कुछ और भी बेहतर होगा ।
हमारी भी कुछ ऐसी सोच थीं। इस बार सपने पूरा करने के लिए मेने कांगड़ा चूना । कांगड़ा भी हिमाचल प्रदेश हैं। छोटा शहर मजबूत शहर ।
१ जनवरी को मैं कांगड़ा पहूंच गया। इस शहर में किसी को नहीं जानता था। फिर भी पता नहीं क्यों आ गया मैं कांगड़ा। इस शहर में ठंडी हमारे शहर से कुछ ज्यादा थीं। मैं जब पहूंचा तो शाम जहां भी हल्की हल्की थी । ठंडी का पूरा जोर था। जहां रहने के लिए अब इस बंदे को छत चाहिए थी । और अब भूख भी बड़ी जौर से लग रही थीं। मैं एक ढाबे पर गया । वहां मेने रेगुलर थाली ओडर की उसकी किमत ७०रूपये की थी ।और हां जहां लोक डाउन ७pm को लग जाता था।
और मेरा खाना ख़त्म होने में ७:३० हो गये थे। और अब छत भी चाहिए थी । पर सब बंद हो गया था। अफसोस कोई छत भी नहीं मिलीं । और ठंडी का पूरा जोर हो गया था। आखिर मूझे कम पैसों मे एक रूम मिल गया । और में सब भुलकर सो गया। थोड़ी सर्दी भी लग रही थी। कुछ समय बाद मूझे नींद आ गई।
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happy new year to you
New Year, everyone has hope with the coming of this new year. This year something new will happen, something will be different. Something else would be even better.
We too had similar thoughts. This time to fulfill my dreams, I took Kangra lime. Kangra is also Himachal Pradesh. small town strong city
I reached Kangra on 1st January. Didn't know anyone in this city. Still don't know why I have come to Kangra. The cold in this city was a bit more than in our city. When I arrived, wherever the evening was mild. It was full of cold. Where to live now this fellow needed a roof. And now hunger was also feeling very loud. I went to a dhaba. There my price of regular thali order was Rs.70. And yes where the lock down used to take place at 7pm.
And it was 7:30 by the time I finished my meal. And now the roof was also needed. But everything was closed. Unfortunately no roof was found. And the cold was in full force. Finally I got a room for less money. And I forgot all about sleep. It was a bit cold too. After some time I fell asleep.
मैं शुरू से थोड़ा कमजोर ही रहा हूं। इस बार जो हुआ मेरे साथ मैने सोचा ही नहीं था। वो दिन याद है । जिस दिन मेरे पापा से थोड़ी बहस हो गई थीं।उस अगले दिन मैं घर से फिर निकल गया था । मे गया अपने हिमाचल प्रदेश चम्बा । चम्बा से मनीमेहश कि यात्रा वहीं से होती है।
देव भूमि हिमाचल से पता नहीं क्यों यहां आ के में शान्त रहता हूं। में पहुंच गया चम्बा। में यहां अपने दोस्त के पास रूका वैसे तो मेरे से बड़े थे ।पर दोस्त थे । उन्होंने ने मुझे किराए पर दुकान भी दिन ले कर । मैंने अब जाना ही नहीं था । सब सही चल रहा था। मैंने वहां फास्ट फूड का काम चालू किया था
अभी एक महीना भी नहीं हुआ तो करोना आ गया । फिर वहीं बापिस ।
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ONE MORE LOSS
English translation.
I have been a little weak from the beginning. I had never imagined what happened this time. I remember that day. The day I had a little argument with my father. The next day I left the house again. I went to Chamba in my Himachal Pradesh. The journey from Chamba to Manimehsh takes place from there.
I don't know from Dev Bhoomi Himachal why I stay calm after coming here. I reached Chamba. I stayed here with my friend, although he was older than me. But there were friends. He even took the day by renting the shop to me. I didn't even want to go now. Everything was going well. I started a fast food business there.
If it has not even been a month, then Corona has come. Then I came back where I was before.
इस बार मुझे जिंदगी जिने वजह मिली । उस समय मै इतना बड़ा तो नहीं था कि मैं अपनी जिंदगी के सारे फैसले ले सकूं । मुझे याद है बो भी दिन । मैं अपनी मासी के घर गर्मी की छुट्टियां बिताने के लिए जा रहा था । जब में उनके घर पहुंचा तो उस समय हल्की-हल्की शाम थी। और मौसम भी थोड़ा सही हो रहा था । जब मै घर पहूचा तो देखा कि मेरे सारे रिश्ते दार पहले से वहीं थे। मैं अंदर से परेशान था । मुझे बचपन से अकेले रहना अच्छा लगता था पता नहीं क्यों पर। मै ऐसा ही हूं।
अगली सुबह हुई। और उस दिन मैं थोड़ा देरी से उठा । नहीं में उठा नहीं मुझे उठाया गया था मेरे लिए एक लड़की चाय लेकर आई । जिसे में जानता ही नहीं । बाद में पता लगा कि मेरी दिदी के दोस्त की बहन थी उसका नाम में नहीं बताऊंगा। वाकी में उसे stylo के नाम से बतलाना चाहुंगा। और समय सौशल मिडिया चलना शुरू हुआ था
मेरै सारे भाईयों ने Stylo को frand request भेज दी थी । और मेरे पास कोई फोन भी नहीं था मैं उस समय भी कमजोर था।
और ना ही मूझे उसमें कोई दिलचस्पी थी । नि ही मेना ऐसा कुछ सोचा नहीं था ।
जैसे भि कर के छुट्टियां खत्म हूई । हम वापिस आ गये । और अब मेरी १०th क्लास के इम्तिहान होंगे । और शिव जी महाराज की क्रीपा से हम पास होगै। कुछ समय मेंरा मनीमेहंश में बीता (the seat of Lord Shiva) मेरे सपनों की दुनिया ।
*This time I got a reason for life. At that time I was not so big that I could take all the decisions of my life. I remember those days too. I was going to my aunt's house for summer vacations. When I reached his house, it was a light evening at that time. And the weather was getting better too. When I reached home, I saw that all my relatives were already there. I was upset inside. I used to love being alone since childhood, I don't know why. I am like that.
It happened the next morning. And that day I got up a little late. No, I did not get up, I was picked up, a girl brought me tea. Which I don't even know. Later I came to know that my sister's friend had a sister, I will not tell in her name. In other words, I would like to call him Stylo. And the time social media started rolling in
All my brothers had sent a friend request to Stylo. And I didn't even have a phone, I was weak at that time too.
Nor was I interested in that. I had never thought of anything like that.
As if the holidays were over. We came back. And now I will have my 10th class exams. And we will pass by the grace of Shivji Maharaj. For some time I spent in Manimehansh (the seat of Lord Shiva) the world of my dreams.
मेरी किस्मत ने मुझे हर बार हराया , हर बार दुख दिया ऐसा में पहले समझता था। बचपन से ही मूझे कोई बात सता रही थी। कि जैसा जो तु अभी है। बैसा तु है ही नहीं। समय का पहरा चलता गया और मै बडा हो गया । अब मुझे घुटन और हौने लगी ।
मुझे आज भी याद है बो दिन जिस दिन घर से भागा था अस समय मेरी उमर १२ साल की थी। मै अपने शहर से दिल्ली गया था बो सफर मेरे लिए कठिन इम्तिहान से कम नही था
उसमें भी मेरा ही देखा हुआ सपना था जो पुरा ना हो सका ।
उस सफर से लेकर आज तक में भाग ही रहा हूं । भला हो उन पहाड़ों का जिन्होंने ने मुझे संभाला । जिनसे मिलकर लगता है कि प्यार नहीं पहाड़ चाहिए । शिव जी चाहिए
My luck beat me every time, hurt me every time, as I used to understand earlier. Since childhood, something was bothering me. As you are now. You are not there. Time went on and I grew up. Now I feel suffocated and suffocated.
I still remember the day I ran away from home when I was 12 years old. I went to Delhi from my city, but the journey was not less than a tough test for me.
In that too, I had a dream which could not be fulfilled.
From that journey till today, I am only running. Good luck to the mountains that took care of me. With whom one feels that love is not needed, mountains are needed. Shivaji is needed. (Lord Shiva)
